Theme Thursday: Friend

There is nothing like a visit from an old friend. Last night, a college buddy of Brian's spent the night because he had been Philly that day on business. It was great watching the two of them fall right back into their easy going banter.

That happened to me this summer when I was up in Vermont visiting my mother. I told my friend, Mo, that I would be in Burlington but I probably wouldn't get a chance to see her. She lives 3 hours away in Brattleboro. So Mo got in her car with her daughter and they came up to spend the afternoon and have dinner. Although we don't talk a lot during our regular lives, I never ran our of things to say or talk with her about. Our daughters got along as well which really made me smile.

Another good college friend, Traci, flew up from LA to see me in San Francisco when I was there for my birthday last year. What a wonderful thing for her to do! We spent the day touring wineries in Napa valley with Brian and some other friends of ours who flew out to help me celebrate my birthday as well. Now, these other friends are buddies of Brian's from college so it was rather a mixed up college reunion you might say. As a result, Traci, my college friend is dating Steve, Brian's college friend which I find rather cool.

And lastly, I have this terrific friend Joe whom I met my junior year of high school. We met at a summer drama camp at Yale university and discovered we both lived in Vermont. Both of us ended up at the University of Vermont and we were almost inseparable our freshman year. He had to take a French class and I wrote his papers for him. Now, he comes down from New York City to see all my shows that stage manage and he even makes mixed CDs for me and my daughter.

When I went to college my mother said, "These are the friends you will have for the rest of your life." And, truer words were never spoken. Mo, Joe, and Traci have put up with me for over 20 years and the affection I feel for them cannot be put into words. So here's a video which I think says it all. For those of you who don't know, I LOVE The Supremes and in college, Mo, Traci and I would dress up and lip synch to The Supremes at theater events.

Do You Friend?

I joined Facebook.

I never wanted to join because it seemed so complicated; you have to make a profile and find friends and upload photos and write pithy statements. What originally sealed the deal for me against joining was a discussion one night during Candide. One of the actresses commented about Facebook, "I mean using 'friend' as a verb, it sounds so, well it sounds like you're getting it up the ass."

She has a way with words.

Yet, I went ahead and joined anyway, deluding myself that it would be a way to advertise my blog. Another Candide actor said he had found a couple of jobs through it and my husband extolled the virtues of it. So, I filled out a profile for myself and then clicked on my husband's box to be his friend. Almost immediately, I received an e-mail stating, "Brian says that you two are married. Click here to confirm."

Really Brian, after 11 years? I spent over $200 of your money to fix my wedding bands this summer and yet I have to confirm electronically that we're married?

I said yes (so as not to further complicate matters) and now there is this little heart on my Facebook page and a note stating that 'Kate is listed as married to Brian.'

Listed as married: It's like those car advertisements that say, "listed at $20,000" when we all know that it's possible to bargain and get the price down.

Then came the 'friending' part. Facebook listed a bunch of people culled from my personal e-mail contacts that I could 'friend'. I have to admit there were many names that I did not recognize. Of the ones I did, I could click on a box and an e-mail would be sent to them asking if they wanted to be my friend. Alright, but if I'm already e-mailing them, aren't they already my friends?

A major dilemma set in when I saw the list of names. There were many people with whom I have a professional relationship and would even grab a beer with after a show, but to whom I wouldn't necessarily send a Christmas card. Do I 'friend' them?

And, what if they say no? It could be a real blow to the old self-esteem. Sure, I'll have a beer with you but I won't go so far as to have an electronic relationship with you.

Then there are the people who find out that I'm on Facebook and want to 'friend' me? What I don't want to 'friend' them? Is there etiquette involved here? Do I have to 'friend' someone because they asked? I'm usually a bit pickier in real life about my social contacts. Of course, in real life I can always make up excuses until the person gets the hint: "I'd love to but with my husband's colonoscopy and the lawsuit pending, we're really swamped."

It doesn't stop once you find your friends. You can 'friend' friends of friends until you're like one big happy Quaker family. People you don't even know proclaiming their friendship with you to the entire web world. The problems crop up when someone no longer wants to be your friend. Then, that person can 'de-friend' you. That should be enough to send your self-esteem into a tailspin: electronically dumped by "friends" you've never met.

Perhaps that actress was right after all.